Hey, Dear Parent!
Actually, I’d rather greet you as my friend. For the reasons you’re here, I already feel like I know you. I know what keeps you up at night, I know what happened today at school, how the ride home was, the short relief of getting home and feeling safe again. The bedtime story, kisses and hugs good night, tucking in and then of course… crying in your room, helpless, worried, sad and scared.
“There has to be someone, somewhere who can help us. Where are these people? Why is everyone so ignorant about what we’re going through? What can I do? Am I helping or making it worse? I’d do anything to help my child to get rid of this #$%& anxiety! If only I knew what to do.”
Yes! This was me too. I felt powerless, because I didn’t know how to pull my son out of that trap.
Fear is what we feel,
Brave is what we do.
Fear is what we feel,
Brave is what we do.
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Here is what my biggest fear was. Not to get morbid or anything… but I don’t know how long I will be around to help my kids every time they need me.
We all heard the saying that life can change in a minute and none of us knows what the future holds.
So what if I’m gone tomorrow? Is there another person that would help my son to overcome his selective mutism the way only I can? What about childhood memories? I’d do anything for him to have happy and careless memories of his childhood. I know you would too.
I read, researched, consulted with specialists about long term effects of Selective Mutism on adults if left untreated during their childhood.
I listened to countless interviews of adults with SM, challenges they face in their personal, professional, social lives. The toll it takes on their emotional and mental health was enormous. That made me realize one simple fact.
Every person needs to be able to live their life fully, without having to depend on someone else to rescue them from things like anxiety. And who exactly is going to do that for my kid? Who? The answer was clear. Me – Now! He – later!
That’s right! If I don’t help him now, he will not be able to help himself later. That’s it. It’s that simple. And the sooner I start the better chance I’ll have to be successful (more about that later). But How?
Real Talk: I have read, listened, argued, agreed, learned, discovered a lot of helpful and also plenty of myths about selective mutism. But it wasn’t until I found Jonathan Berent and his method of treating SM when I realized the crucial importance of the parents’ role in the process of resolving their children’s selective mutism. That experience gave me the much needed breakthrough and realization that the outcome of resolving our kids’ Selective Mutism depends solely on the parent.
Everything and everyone else are/or can be great help in addition to what actions we choose to take in resolving Selective Mutism, a bonus, if you will. But relying on others to offer solutions without us being the consistent executioner of every step in the process will take a long time, which we all know will only strengthen the SM and it’ll work against our goal.
When it comes to prioritizing roles of everyone involved, you must remain in charge at all times, support, nurture and empower your child. Once you adapt this mindset, learn the strategy and techniques, you’ll gain the clarity you need to apply them succesfully and resolve your child’s SM for good.
Mom
If you are looking for a therapist to treat your child’s SM and believe that therapy is the only option to successfully resolve selective mutism, then I may not be helpful to you. I work with parents and not children. I coach parents on how to empower their children to overcome their anxiety, develop a robust strategy and tactics to achieve resolution of anxiety, which is the underlying cause of SM.
I believe therapy is a great choice in treating various mental health issues, but I am also confident in my conviction that it will not be enough for treating Selective Mutism if the parents are not coached to properly help their children to overcome their anxiety.
Turned Researcher
We spend more time with our children than anyone else. We are still the most influential adults for them and how we communicate with them on a daily basis is determining on whether or not our kiddos can overcome their anxiety while we empower them every step of the way.
There are several crucial steps we as parents need to take to assure our children are on the right path to success.
Frankly, no child between the ages of 4 to 6 years old is going to come home after an hour of therapy and think “Hm… how can I process what I learned during therapy today and apply it to my daily routines?”
Common… Even a lot of adults are having trouble with that, let alone a five year old.
You know I’m right. It is us who can make all the difference for them.
On A Mission
You can absolutely help them to resolve their selective mutism by applying battle tested, actionable, concrete steps and see results as you move forward.
And that shouldn’t be a scary thought. That is one of the most empowering conclusions we can draw for ourselves.
When was the last time you returned from a meeting at school with teachers and specialists feeling like everything was under control and moving towards the right solution?
Hopeful?… Yeah, maybe, kinda…
Confident and armed with a solid plan that you know will work?…
Meh…